Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Too much gin, very little bucket
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
