we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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