Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
