20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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