Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
