Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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