Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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