You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
