Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the condom got lost in my hair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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