I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize