Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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