I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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