So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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