Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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