Plan B is the new Plan A
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
