You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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