I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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