Plan B is the new Plan A
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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