you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
