So drunk its hurt
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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