I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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