If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?