I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have feelings that need drinking.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush