shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face