fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
