Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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