My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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