i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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