Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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