Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
