She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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