what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
