In the future we'll all be gay
one might say we're banned from that church
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
