I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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