well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
