his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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