There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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