you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.