Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

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(610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq

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(315): View more from New York

He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

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(315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe

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(917): View more from New York City

my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

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(917): my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce http://tfl.nu/158e

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.

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(931): I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex. http://tfl.nu/p3z3

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(512): View more from Texas

I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.

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(512): I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed. http://tfl.nu/z4ve

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(810): View more from Michigan

I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.

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(810): I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure. http://tfl.nu/tlfm

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(678): View more from Georgia

You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"

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(678): You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed" http://tfl.nu/kcte

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(949): View more from California

You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.

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(949): You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept. http://tfl.nu/3n2j

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."

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(814): He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van." http://tfl.nu/71uy

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(916): View more from California

I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.

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(916): I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot. http://tfl.nu/9evn

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(248): View more from Michigan

You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection

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(248): You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection http://tfl.nu/50lp

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(530): View more from California

Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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(530): Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking. http://tfl.nu/uxvx

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.

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(603): Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj. http://tfl.nu/n7sy

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(517): View more from Michigan

passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.

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(517): passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/smsc

Replies (5) Good night (228) Bad night (538)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it

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(336): Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it http://tfl.nu/7tpk

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