so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher