Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he thought i was a dude.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.