If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs