I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible