bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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