oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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