As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
