What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
