I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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