Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
