I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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