theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
