Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.