She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.