Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  I hate all girls vehemently.

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  (516): I hate all girls vehemently. http://tfl.nu/rhf8
  Replies (2) Good night (944) Bad night (1109)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever

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  (859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever http://tfl.nu/peni
  Replies (23) Good night (2273) Bad night (558)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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  (315): He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out. http://tfl.nu/k9ox
  Replies (18) Good night (5213) Bad night (599)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

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  (603): No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative http://tfl.nu/aljj
  Replies (6) Good night (5523) Bad night (1148)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

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  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3413) Bad night (944)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.

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  (704): Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time. http://tfl.nu/8mlt
  Replies (6) Good night (3098) Bad night (1197)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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  (214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy
  Replies (11) Good night (2596) Bad night (1070)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?

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  (603): Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night? http://tfl.nu/gcf5
  Replies (9) Good night (1693) Bad night (760)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

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  (413): And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center http://tfl.nu/rfee
  Replies (9) Good night (2646) Bad night (963)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you said candy land and then passed out.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.

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  (215): you said candy land and then passed out. (215): ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/gx08
  Replies (8) Good night (2998) Bad night (550)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

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  (+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2
  Replies (13) Good night (2186) Bad night (629)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...

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  (503): Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night... http://tfl.nu/z9ky
  Replies (9) Good night (701) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.

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  (724): You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures. http://tfl.nu/2cky
  Replies (1) Good night (840) Bad night (355)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.

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  (480): She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine. http://tfl.nu/3eun
  Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (321)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.

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  (248): Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad. http://tfl.nu/51dc
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (685)

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