I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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