This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
