First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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