If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
