I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
