At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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