I'm eating all of the evidence.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
